Unspoken Words
by sorceressmei
Summary: Three words that was left unspoken by Petra Ral until her last breath. Rated for language. Rivetra


**Summary: Three words that was left unspoken by Petra Ral until her last breath.**

 **Author's Note: This is my first SnK story, I really hope that you guys will somehow like it. Also, the season 2 will start in February right, so I was just excited that I was somehow inspired to make an SnK story (even though I haven't updated any of my existing stories)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. If I do, Petra is still alive.**

 **Unspoken Words**

The 57th expedition is just a few hours away but Captain Levi is still in his office finishing a pile of paper works. It's already past 1 pm but he is still wide awake as usual. It doesn't really matter to him since his body is already used to this kind of sleeping habit. A good three hours of sleep is already enough for the humanity's strongest soldier to regain his strength.

"Damn," he uttered to his self when he took his cup to take a sip of the black tea only to find out that nothing is left. It is his third cup of tea for the night but he still needed more.

He decided to stand up to refill his cup. When he opened the door, he saw the startled face of his ginger-haired subordinate holding a steaming teapot by the doorway. She gasped a little but instantly gave a sweet smile.

"I brought you tea, captain," she said gleefully.

"Hm, just in time," he responded as cold as ever. The raven haired captain walked back to his desk and sat on his chair while he watched her pour his cup.

As soon as she refilled his cup, he took the cup and took a sip. Her tea tastes really good. A lot better than his.

"Is it good?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes, as always. Thank you," he responded and continue doing the paper works.

All the while she was just sitting in front of him as he continue his work. He can feel her stare never leaving him.

"Petra, why are you still awake?" he asked her, his eyes still focus on my work.

"I really can't sleep captain…I don't know why but I feel really uneasy," she answered almost like a whisper.

Captain Levi raised his head and stared at Petra. He knew her for a while now and she was never like this. Petra Ral is a walking sunshine. Always optimistic and always confident. This is the first time since he met her that she looks nervous for an expedition.

"Petra, you know how it is in the survey corps. Shit always happens. The chances of survival is very small. But remember you are part of my squad. The special operation squad, you are not a part of this for nothing, you know that," he told her to calm her.

She forced a smile. "I know captain but…" she trailed off and gazed at his face. The kind of look that she usually gave him that he always ignore.

Conceited as it may sound but he is aware that Petra harbor feelings for him. He had noticed it long ago. Her stare, her body language and her devotion for him for the past years that they worked together is not just simple admiration for a superior. But he only confirmed it when she stole a kiss from him when he was sleeping. Levi has always been a light sleeper even if he is in slumber he is aware of his surroundings. There were even several times that she attempted to confess her feelings for him but all those times he find ways to ignore and shrug her off. Those kinds of feelings is not necessary in this field of work, it will just be a distraction.

Petra is everything that he is not, she is his complete opposite. He admire her but the admiration that he have for her is nothing romantic. He admire her as a soldier and as a person.

"Captain Levi, I have something to tell you," she said, still staring at him.

He knew what she is about to say and this has to stop. His dark brooding eyes stared back at her but she was never taken aback.

"Captain, I…"

"Petra, you need to rest," he said coldly.

"But Captain!" she exclaimed. "I need to tell you what's inside my heart or else I might regret this forever!" her eyes is now clouded with tears that are about to fall.

"Enough Petra," he said firmly. "You are dismissed. Go to your quarters and rest. That's an order.

Petra slowly stood up. She gave a salute and he just watched her as she leave the office. When the door closed, he just continue his work.

Love is just a nuisance in this shitty world.

* * *

Early that morning, the whole Survey Corps assembled at the gate of Wall Rose in the Karanese District as they wait for the commander's signal.

Like the usual, most people inside the walls are against the expedition of the Survey Corps, saying that it's just a waste of time and tax. The soldiers don't give a damn about their opinion anyways. They are doing this for the sake of humanity's future whether they like it or not.

Most of the soldiers in the Corps are quiet since many of them are still new scouts. But the special operations squad is different from them. They are the elite squad and the best of them all. As their captain, Levi is much confident about the abilities of his squad members.

The raven-haired captain looked over his shoulder to check out his soldiers. Auro is teasing their new scout Eren about how certain he is that their new recruit will piss on his pants on his very first mission. Erd and Gunther on the other hand were chatting about the former's upcoming wedding as soon as they return from the expedition. Then he caught a sight of the only woman in his squad, Petra. Their eyes locked for a moment.

Behind her amber eyes exude sadness and weariness. Captain Levi averted his eyes from her and focus forward. Soon enough, he heard a horse gallop then stopped beside his own. "Captain, about last night…" Petra started.

"Just forget about it and focus on our mission, soldier," he answered coldly, his vision still fixed forward."

A deep sigh sounded from his subordinate. "After this expedition, I will definitely tell you what I have always wanted to tell you. That's a promise, Captain." He shifted and gazed at the ginger haired woman on his side. Determination is now evident in her eyes that seem to magnetize him for a moment.

"Stubborn woman," he responded to his subordinate.

Commander Erwin gave the signal to his soldiers and the survey corps started to maneuver forward outside the walls.

* * *

The female titan is such a pain in the ass. The damn bitch slaughtered a lot of the soldiers. They thought that they caught the blond titan but she is an intelligent one and managed to escape.

Captain Levi decided to go back to his squad but on his way back, he saw traces of blood. "Fuck," he muttered an expletive. Did it happen again? Did he lose his comrades again? No. It can't be. Those fuckers should be alive. They were the best in the whole survey corps that he personally handpicked to be in his Special Operations Squad. They can't be easily defeated by that bitch.

But he was wrong. One by one he saw their dead bodies. Gunther, Erd, Auro and…Petra. He halted at the sight of her body. His hands were trembling as he looks down at her from above. He adjusted his 3DMG and move down to her side. He took her in his arms and laid her down.

Her eyes which used to shine brightly like the sun were now lifeless. Captain Levi cannot fathom the reality that Petra is now gone that he even checked her vital signs despite the evident truth in front of him. She doesn't have pulse and she's not breathing. He placed his ear on her chest to check even a slightest thump of her heart but to no avail.

Trembling hands cupped Petra's face. Her face is still warm. Levi caressed her cheeks. "Petra…" he called her. Then he closed her eyes with his own hand. "You were to tell me something when we come back right? Why did you die?" He embraced her tightly almost crushing her petite body.

Tears started to fall from his eyes. Captain Levi is crying over the death of one of his soldier. The last time that he cried was when Isabel and Farlan died. It has been so long that he thought he can never cry again.

But why is he crying? Petra is just his subordinate. He already lost a lot but he never cried for them though he cared for his fallen soldiers. Not to the extent to feel wrathful and at the same time remorseful that he wanted to slaughter and torture that titan who killed Petra.

A titan roar made him come back to his senses. It was definitely the titan who took away Petra's life. He loosened his hold on her body and stared at her face, trying to calm his self.

He is Captain Levi. Humanity's strongest soldier. Many soldiers look up to him and if they see him in that state they might lose their will to move forward. He is the epitome of a perfect soldier; strong and hard-hearted. For a soldier as himself, duty comes first before anything else.

Levi laid her back on the ground and stood up. "I will definitely kill that Titan bitch and have my revenge."

* * *

The female titan was such a hard enemy to defeat especially that Eren is held captive by the damn bitch.

In every slice that he gave her flesh all he can think of is Petra. Every slash is a revenge for taking away Petra's life. He almost lost reasons and he almost gone berserk. But in the end, he tried his hardest and bring back his sanity. As a captain, he must think straight and set priorities. He shouldn't let his personal feeling consume him. That is the rule that he set for himself even when he was still in the underground district.

No matter how much he wanted to torture the female titan, he opted not to do it. The top priority is to retrieve Eren and retreat. And so he did.

The moment that he retrieved the titan shifter boy, they retreated. "Take care of this brat," he told the raven-haired girl who is Eren's friend. The remaining surviving soldiers recovered the bodies of their fallen comrades on their way out of the forest of giant trees. And so Levi returned to the area where he saw his fallen squad members. He took Petra's body in his arms while the other scouts took Auro, Erd and Gunther and glide out of the forest.

With his face remaining cold and stoic as ever, no one can notice the real feeling beneath his façade. That in every step that he takes as he carries her in his arms, he is regretting every moment that he has taken her for granted. He realized how much of a fool he was for shoving away her feelings for him and denying to himself that he loves her all along.

"Captain Levi, Sir!" A soldier approached him and saluted. "Please take the body in that area, we are in charge in their remains, Sir." The young soldier gestured the area where the other dead soldiers laid. Some surviving scouts are in charge of covering the bodies with cloth and transfer them to the carriage.

Although hesitant, Levi nodded. He wanted to carry her himself as they travel back to the walls but he should follow protocol. He laid her down along with the other fallen scouts. The raven-haired captain just watch as a soldier covers her with white cloth and tie her body with a rope.

He will never taste her tea again. He will never see her bright smile again. He will never hear her sweet voice again. And he will never say the three words that he wanted to tell her but now it's too late.

As soon as they finish covering the remains of the dead soldiers, Levi walked back to Petra's body. He took the insignia of the survey corps on her uniform as a memoir of his beloved that he will keep with him forever.

* * *

Captain Levi scrutinize Petra's quarters. It is very clean and neat. Her things are properly organize. The room has a sweet smell. Petra's smell. He still can't believe that she's now gone. Even her body is now gone.

Levi ordered the scouts riding the carriage of their dead comrades to throw their bodies away so as to escape the approaching titans. He did what he have to in order to save more lives. When he saw Petra being thrown out, he craved to go back and save her but he refrained himself in doing it. He is the one who gave the orders and he needed to stand by what he commanded.

Even the insignia of survey corps that he took from Petra as a memoir is now gone. To console one of his soldiers grieving over the loss of his friend, he gave him Petra's and lied that it was taken from his friend.

His heart secretly broke the moment Petra's father approached him as soon as they came back from the failed expedition. He can't even look at the face of the old man. He is such a failure as a captain, he left his squad and they all die.

His whole body is aching especially his heart. Levi lied down on Petra's bed and embraced her pillows. He felt something underneath her pillows and found a letter with his name written on it. He sat down and opened the letter with his now shaky hands.

 _Dear Captain Levi,_

 _If you are reading this letter then I am probably dead by now. Like what you said, shit always happen in the Survey Corps. Captain, I wanted to tell you a lot of things, things that I was not able to tell you. I don't want these things to be left unspoken. I wanted to tell you this even with just a letter. Captain, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for believing in me and choosing me to be in your elite squad. It was a dream come true._

 _Ever since that day that I saw you when you returned from one of your expedition years ago, I have always admire you. You are the reason why I joined the Survey Corps. You inspired me to do things for humanity's sake without asking anything in return. Thank you for being a great superior, a mentor, a friend and a confidant. Many people misinterpret your actions and words but I never did. I know that you really are a kind person despite your cold and uncaring exterior and because of that, I have fallen in love you. I love you. Those are the three words that I have always wanted to tell you._

 _Every day that I spent with you, I just love you more and more. I know that you already know my feelings for you. Every time that I tried to confess to you, you find ways to ignore me. But I really don't care if you can never love me back. I just wanted to express my feelings for you and take care you, my Captain._

 _I will always, always look after you even if I am not beside you anymore. And I will love you always even in the next lifetime. Till we meet again, Captain Levi._

 _Yours,_

 _Petra_

Tears started to fall from his eyes. _You are wrong Petra, I love you. I'm sorry for ignoring your feelings. I was a fool. I made myself believe that I can never love anyone. I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

For a while, he just sit there on her bed and cry his heart out. But no matter how much he cries, Petra will never return to life. Levi tried his hardest to calm himself and held back his tears. This will be the last time that he will shed tears. With one last look at Petra's letter, he fold it and placed it inside the inner pocket of his military jacket, near his heart. Petra will remain in his heart forever. Regrets and tears can never bring her back to life. What he can do is to change this world for her sake and for the sake of every fallen soldier who sacrificed their own lives for the freedom that they all dream of. He will make sure that her death will not be in vain and the world will be in peace in Petra's next lifetime.

 _Till we meet again, Petra_

* * *

Author's Note: So that's it. I hope the story is okay. I think Levi might be a bit OOC but I needed to show that he has other sides, that he is only human who has feelings.


End file.
